Stranger by Night
by gopherwhote
Summary: Larva doing all the things you wouldn't expect him to. Rated PG for brief toilet humor (what?!? Larva's gotta pee too)
1. Stool (the kind you stand on, not poo)

Arachniphiliac: Ever wondered about ol' Larva? Is there more to him than meets the eye? (no, I'm NOT talking about what's under his cloak! Well.....no! Wait! No I'm not!) *Slaps herself* Anyway. How does he manage to do all the stuff you wouldn't imagine him doing? Here's a...um.....an amusing take on the situation  
  
Stranger in the Night  
  
The velvety folds of night were happy to caress the figure which slunk through the darkness on an even darker purpose. The setting was a typical small-town city, or small-city town. One which you wouldn't expect a vampire to reside.  
Miyu carefully stalked the rooftops, keeping an eye out on the surrounding scenery to locate the Shinma she had been sensing for the past few days. Her senses led her to the back of a store building, where a misshapen demon-type was apathetically draped over a trashcan, picking it's toes. It looked up as she hit the ground after jumping off the roof, and brought it down again as she puffed up, sticking out her chest to address it.  
"Evil diezen of the dark.." she began, "You have invaded the realm of actuality where humans live, and you have desecrated.."  
Larva hung slightly behind and off to her left, behind a dumpster, out of sight just in case he was needed so he could pop out and it would seem he was popping out of the air, lending an air of impressiveness to any difficult situation. He was finding hard to concentrate tonight, and merely let his mind wander to what he felt were more pressing issues.  
"....return you to the Dark from which you came. Larva!"  
Larva leaped to her command, stumbling out not quite gracefully as he would have hoped, as his knees were clenched together. He flopped over to Miyu's side, flinging out his hand to hurriedly snatch the flame from Miyu, who looked slightly startled at his haste, and threw it at the Shinma, who hadn't moved since Miyu's tirade had begun. The Shinma apathetically burst into flames, until nothing was left of him but a purple afterimage burnt into Larva's eyes.  
He spun to face Miyu. "Well that certainly went great I have to go, why don't you go on with out me I'll catch up!" He gave her a hearty slap on the back and fled.  
Miyu picked herself up off the ground. 'What's with him?'  
  
"AAAuuughhh!!!!" Larva fled wailing into the nearest park. He slammed into a tree, grabbing the trunk to hold himself upright. He stepped back hurriedly and hiked up his cloak. He proceeded to relieve himself on the tree.  
"Ahh..." He smiled lethargically. "That's the stuff..."  
"That man's gotta peepee mommy."  
He spun with a shriek, thankfully finished, and dropped his cloak before the offended eyes of a single mother and her three children returning from dinner at a restaurant. He gave them an apologetic smile.  
"Uh..." The mother screamed and grabbed her children, running from the park. Larva slapped himself on the head.  
"Well that was gross..." His mission accomplished, he returned to the small apartment he and Miyu had rented on the edge of town. He tiptoed up the stairs, pressing himself to the wall, in order to prevent any further mishaps. The curtains of the neighboring apartment twitched, and Larva knew that the neighbor was trying to catch sight of him again, since a night of carelessness had let him get a glimpse of the over six-foot tall bishonen Shinma, an unusual occurrence to say the least. Larva ducked into the elevator to hide, waiting until the shadowy figure had moved away before rushing to Miyu's door, yanking the handle. Damn. She had forgotten to unlock the door again. He sighed, and pulled his arms inside his cloak to rummage in various cubbyholes for his keys.  
The door swung open, with Miyu standing holding the handle.  
"What ARE you doing?"  
Larva looked up guiltily. This probably did seem a little improper. He pulled his arms out again. "Uh...looking for my key?"  
She sighed, and stepped away. He followed into the apartment. Since neither of them seemed to need much, the rooms were all bare, and the kitchen was nearly desolate. He peered at the table, where Miyu's homework was spread out. He didn't know why he kept expecting there to be food. He felt that Miyu sometimes forgot he had needs. Needs like a functioning bathroom. Miyu never seemed to care to pay the water bill, since she didn't drink the stuff, and she always used the bathroom at school if she needed it, which wasn't often, since all her nourishment was liquid and nearly all was absorbed into her system. Larva, however, was not a blood drinker, and sometimes wondered if Miyu ever noticed that he never did anything in front of her to provide for himself. He stood silently behind her, dignity incarnate again, and she turned from where she had seated herself to wrap her arms around his waist. He gently put his hand on top of her head in response, and she stood up.   
"I think it's time we rest."  
He followed her to the bedroom, where she changed into a modest nightgown and lay down to sleep. He lay down next to her as he was, booted and completely clothed. She took it for granted that he wore other things OTHER than the cloak, things that were uncomfortable and not good to sleep in. He snuggled in next to her and pretended to sleep as she softly began to snore.  
  
The next day Larva was up when Miyu woke, as usual. She smiled at him blearily, then climbed out of bed to put on her school uniform and gather her things, pausing in the act of leaving to turn and say, "I'm going to school, Larva."  
'Just like the thousands of other times every morning!' he echoed sardonically in his mind. He just stared at her blankly, and she smiled at him and left.  
He let out a breath. Time to run the gauntlet.   
  
Larva peeked out of the door to the apartment. No one was watching, so he moved to emerge the rest of the way, carrying his cloak under his arm along with his undergear, everything except his breeches and an undershirt which he had managed to filch from K-mart, which his body was currently using to keep itself decent. He moved swiftly down the stairs, past an astonished bellboy, and out the door, using the back alleys to come to the Laundromat where his day of difficulty would begin.  
He opened the back door a crack, and, seeing no one among the steam and equipment, snuck the rest of the way in with his bundle under his arm. He came to the door separating the back of the store from the rest, and opened it slyly, peering in at the various people. All seemed to be occupied. He picked his victim, a small woman with an orange tan and bleached hair doing an assorted load of grandma-style underwear. He swept into the room. The woman had time for one astonished stare before Larva casually vaulted her into another plane of existence. He flung open the door to the spinning washing machine and yanked the woman's soggy panties out, depositing them on the floor and stuffing his own clothes in.  
He peered around and, finding merely a small astonished bald man and a lethargic teenager trying to open a door with his head, sauntered casually out. He pulled a pair of sunglasses from his pocket and put them over his crimson eyes. Now that the easy part was finished.....  
  
To be continued.....yes.....I seem to be saying that a lot  



	2. Fillerbunny

  
Part 2-Yeah I'm dumb. For some reason some people wanted me to finish this, so here we go. Yeah, I hate this one for sure, so I'm gonna write whatever pops into my twisted head, and I myself will be making a guest appearance! Actually, the story just takes up from my point of view from now on. Bwahahahahaha! Even if you've come this far, and don't wanna go further, but still wanna know what happens, just skip down to the end. Larva gets some  
  
Larva strutted down the street, the air he carried about him making the small girl hiding in the alley caressing a small squeek toy wonder if she should check for gold chains and Barry White music. She decided he needed stalking, and stuffed the rather awkwardly shaped SPOOKY THE THING WHAT SQUEEKS into her back pocket. She scuttled down the sidewalk in his wake, and he entered a Denny's, making the little bell ring in protest as he opened the door. She scooted in after him (I'm just getting all the good action verbs, aren't I? As long as I'm interjecting, all the props I'm going to be using I actually own, no matter how bizarre they sound.) She spied him leaning against the counter to disguise his height, and hid behind one of his calves, since she was so small.  
Berv looked up from her cash register and began to drool. "May I help YOU?" she asked, managing to make her placed emphasis sound dirty and suggestive.   
"Uh, may I use your bathroom?"  
Her eyebrows lowered as her sense of protocol broke through her admiration. "No you MAY NOT!"  
The small girl licked his calf experimentally.  
Berv backed up as a severely intense look of panic and confusion spread across his face. "Uh that is go right in."  
Larva, meanwhile, had thought he had peed himself, which confused him as he hadn't felt the need. He rushed to the women's room, accidentally hitting the small girl with his heel. Berv peered after him. "That's funny, I could have sworn she was....."  
"Oh, you were right. I was down there, he's definitely male," Heather remarked as she straightened from her crouch. The lady's eyes bulged and she screamed as loud as she could, recognizing the 5'2" skinny girl with short spiky purple hair and glasses from the girl's earlier Wheel Of Time fanfic (go read it! You don't have to know jack about the series to not get it), which had a rather funny and extensive Denny's piece in it, but which had left all in Denny's permanently traumatized. Heather nipped off to the girl's room to see what exactly the strange monkey boy was doing.  
  
Larva rushed into the girls room and checked to make sure no one was in the stalls, then used a piece of stale cake he had just stolen from the dessert's counter to wedge the door closed before finally checking his pants, which were dry. He shrugged, then decided he must have been experiencing wet hot flashes, and dug into his pants for a quarter. His sharp nails gouged his thigh, and he whipped his hand out with a cry, launching his quarter up into the air, over the stall door and into a toilet with a small moist metallic pluck. He gagged, and crept gingerly over to the open door, dreading what he would find lurking in the bowl of a Denny's toilet. He thanked the gods that this, at least, wasn't an Arby's, and peeked in the door at the closed toilet. He shuddered, recognizing the trick the janitors used to ward off cleaning the toilet for at least another week. He steeled himself, and walked in, reaching out to grasp the lid of the toilet, clenching his eyes and turning his head away as he lifted the lid and plunged his hand into the warm, solid depths. He gagged through his nose, which is very amusing to watch, and was forced to steel himself further from yanking his hand out and running to burn his arm off. He really needed that quarter.  
He fished about, his hand finally connecting with something solid, though a little less firm than a quarter. He grasped it, and tried to bring it out. It gave a little bit, as though it was stuck in something. He put his boot against the bowl to brace himself and tugged harder, making some progress only to feel a pull from the opposite side, as though something else was pulling back. He gagged through his nose again, finally whipping his head forward, his eyes closed, and plunging both hands in, crying out "I really neeeeeed it!" and yanking in short little bursts before slumping over and whimpering like a little girl.  
"I'll say you do," said a small girl's voice. He screeched and sprung up, pulling the girl with him from where she had been sitting in front of the toilet. He had both hands down her shirt and was grasping the clasp on the front of her bra. "I've not seen someone that desperate since...well, Frank. But Frank is gay, so oh well. He got gnawed by a squirrel" she leaned over and said in confiding tones.  
He yelled again and launched himself backwards into the wall, staring in wide-eyed horror. "I am SO sorry! I thought you were a toilet!" She gave him a Look, and he went on "No wait that sounds bad, I mea-" He stopped, staring toward the door where the rock-hard wedge of cake was still holding the door closed. "How did you get IN here?"  
"The more important question is what are YOU going to do about it?"  
He frowned. "I'm afraid you really must leave."  
"Why?"  
"Because I n-"  
"But why?"  
"Because-"  
"Are you gonna bathe in the toilet?"  
"Yes-NO! I AM...er...gonna bathe, but not in the toilet now PLEASE I have to get my quarter."  
"Why?"  
He launched her into another plane of existence, then rolled up his sleeve and peered in the toilet bowl, trying to search it's opaque surface for where his quarter was. He reached and then stopped. He had almost fallen for it. How had his quarter fallen in if he had had to open the toilet in the first place? He hit himself in the head and turned, nearly running into the girl again. He hopped back in surprise, tripping and landing on the toilet.   
She grinned at him and leaned her elbow on the toilet paper dispenser. He sighed at her. "Do you have it?"  
"Gonorrhea? No way, do you? You will if you keep sitting on that seat."  
He jumped up and confronted her angrily. "You are genuinely infuriating!"  
She smiled. "Everyone's entitled to an opinion." Her smile slid off. "I'm going to have to beat me later. I HATE that phrase"  
"Let me do it for you," he muttered under his breath.   
She licked the back of one knuckle. He decided to ignore that; she was deliberately trying to weird him out. "Do you have my quarter?"  
"Why do you need a quarter? To buy a new pair of cheap sunglasses?"  
He frowned at her. "Why would I need a new pair of sunglasses?"  
The room was too dark for him to see the combat boot rushing at his face, and he crumpled delightedly to the ground for Heather, who knelt by him and grasped his arm, extending it so she could check his pulse, then sit on his arm.  
  
And in the next segment, I drag him back to my lair and find the root of his petulant and annoying notice of everything Miyu isn't doing for him (he really doesn't HAVE to eat or pee, and it's not her fault he doesn't take any of his clothes off at night. Though it is her fault he doesn't bathe.....) But yes. He's just doing that to be stubborn. It'll aaaall continue not to make sense again soon. Go to Slavelabor.com and search for spooky the thing what squeeks to see the most adorable thing ever to squeek (yeah, it's supposed to be spelled like that-It says so on the box)  
Well that's it for now. Leave me a review, even if it's just a single letter or number, I wanna know if you actually read this. PLEAAAAAAASE?!? And this storyline is so flexible I'll accept anything you throw at me, so if you have an idea for something you want to happen, just say so.  
And if you want to be part of the whole creepiness, leave a description of yourself, personality and physical, and it's an absolute guarantee that you'll get put in. Seeya SUCKA! (Hi Morgan)   
*PS-Adding SUCKA to the end of every sentence is amusing and fun. Also randomly throwing out the phrase "Speaking of-(insert last word you heard here), then stopping, is also fun. I made it up. Now it's your turn to try Ok time to shut up now heether   
Bye me  



	3. I like Frank ALOT

Ok ok ok, this is where I split in half. No, this is where I split the story in half. For those of you who actually want the rest of the story, it's coming. I actually had things planned. For those of you who wanted to be part of the orgy, I'll keep on with that too. It's actually going to be a pritty small orgy, since only one person has sent me a description. Guess you're getting Larva all to yourself. So yes. No more self-insertion. I take my own self-mutilation to heart. I can't help it. So yes, it's sort of a choose your own story scenario. For those of you who want the actual story, and now I'm repeating myself, you'll be happy, as I'll continue. For those of you who want the insanity, all the chapters containing it will be titled 'Fillerbunny' (SOME of you will get that). They have no relation to each other whatsoever. They're just two separate ending-middle things to the same beginning. I don't know or care if I'm making sense. I know what I mean, and that's really what's important, isn't it? Say yes. So yes. Non self insertion will contain normal chapter titles. Orgy chapters=Fillerbunny. Enjoy yosefs  



	4. There, are you freaks happy? (get yourse...

Larva blearily opened his eyes as the offending notes of 'Get Your Freak On' rang through the building he happened to be tied up in at the moment. He groaned and rolled over, only to confront the grinning face of a rather large woman with a particularly lumpy figure and what appeared to be a trail of spit running down the side of her face, since she was lying on her side. Larva let out a less than manly shriek only to find that his face had been bound with duct tape. He also came to realize that his head had been, inexplicably, tied to the ground. He made several puffing noises at the woman with the green eyes and blonde hair, which she took to be a question. She grinned at him absently and patted his cheek, grinding his head into the concrete and rendering him unconscious again.  
Upon his next awakening, Larva again found himself face to face with the woman. He sighed, making the woman giggle, and tried to gesture with his eyebrows at her. She frowned thoughtfully..  
"What is it boy? Are you trying to tell me something?"  
He gave her a level look and, encouraged, continues to attempt sign language using his eyebrows.   
"What's that? Timmy's stuck in the w-"  
She cut off as a rustling noise was accompanied by one of her more prominent folds shifting and beginning to migrate to the bottom of what Larva now realized was a shiny magenta pleather minidress. Suddenly and quite unexpectedly, a head popped out from between the woman's thighs, grinning at her and sliding the rest of the way out to reveal a tall, leather clad woman bedecked with spikes and grinning triumphantly as she held aloft a rather large piece of jerky. "Found it!" With that she gave a proud toss of her brown ponytail and stuffed the meat down her black leather jumpsuit. "Now it's your turn!"  
"You owe me a buck, Bertha hun" A voice to Larva's left stated, making the now less-large woman grin affably.   
"Right, Dev, you got me. I never thought she'd find it. I had a really good hiding spot, too."  
The ponytail girl grinned. "You sure did."  
With that Larva once again lost all self-control and began shrieking uncontrollably and flailing around in his bonds.  
"Hey I know let's BURN HIM!" The ponytail girl skanked briefly to the music as the song ended, then went and sat at Larva's feet, delving one hand into her pocket.  
"No, Crystal, I didn't bring him just for you. I'll bring you a schoolchild later if you want to burn something." Larva instantly recognized the voice of the creepy girl from the beginning of his horrific day.  
Crystal turned to the new voice and hissed at Heather. Bertha raised herself up on one elbow and frowned at her. "Who the hell are you again?"  
Heather stared at her shoes. "Uh....."  
"Get out of here ya loser."  
"Yes. Debt is paid. No more pants now. Ja ne" the random Japanese mafia spokesman put in hurriedly.  
"Ok. See you guys-" Heather was cut off as Bertha spat a large, yellow, banana scented wad in her direction.  
"Leave."  
"K". Heather slunk shamefully out of her mind.  
Larva muffed noises at them uselessly in leiu of talking, since he couldn't, and was rewarded by everyone in the room turning to stare at him. Bertha got up from her position by Larva's side and straightened her dress. She turned and began to walk out of the room, calling over her shoulder, "Be a dear and take off his gag, Crystal."  
Crystal grinned and began to inch her way up his leg.  
"Just his gag, Crystal."  
She put her hand on his fly  
"His gag, Crystal."  
She put her hand in his pocket.  
"His gag"  
She jammed her long fingernails in his eye.  
"Gag!"  
Crystal obediently gagged, only to be ignored by Larva, who was keeping himself amused by having an aneurysm.   
Bertha rolled her eyes, then finished her trek across to room to the Japanese mafia member, grabbing him by the collar and dragging him from the room. Larva noticed the only furnishings in the barren warehouse, a bare lightbulb hanging from a piece of string from the ceiling and an old gray file cabinet with a bumper sticker reading 'Welcome to my House of Pain' stuck to it. He closed his one functional eye and willed himself back home, determined never to wish anything of Miyu again if the nightmare would just stop. He opened his eyes with no small amount of trepidation only to find that he was back home, with Miyu still gone and thirty year old forgotten homework still littering the table. He grinned and did a small dance. The sound of the door opening stopped him in mid-step. He glanced up smiling to see Miyu coming through the door, stopping with her hand on the knob.  
"Miyu! I'm so glad to see you!" He stopped at the look on her face. "What?"  
Larva glanced down at himself, only to find that he was quite naked. He yelled, flailing about, hoping this would somehow cure his nakedness. To make matters even worse, three of Miyu's friends crowded in behind her, and even the neighbor that had been peering through the curtains at him earlier in the day. He sat down on the floor and wailed hopelessly. Life was shit.  
  
Miyu floated blearily to consciousness as Larva shifted beside her, moaning in his sleep. She snuggled up under his arm, waking him with a start.  
"Hum?"  
"You were mumbling in your sleep."  
"Sleep?" Larva blinked his eyes and peered around him. "Oh. Sleep." He fell back against the pillows. "Thank the gods."  
"Did you have a bad dream?"  
"I guess you could say that."  
She sat up, stretching her arms. "Well, I might as well go out for something to eat, now that I'm awake." She threw off the covers and stood up to dress as Larva rubbed his hands sleepily across his face. He leaned back with a sigh and a small smile in her direction as she was stomping her feet into her shoes. She turned to look back at him at the doorway as she was leaving.  
"Need anything?"  
She though Larva shuddered, before simply saying "No. No thank you."  
She smiled to herself as she closed the door behind her. He was so selfless. That was one of the things she like about him. That and his twelve inch-  
  
Pazusu sat up in his bed with a strangled cry, peering around him before settling back onto his mattress with a relieved sigh. There were muffled thumps coming from Amy's and Spartoi's end of the ship, as there had been for the other forty nights sequestered on this god-forsaken ship, on their way to rescue Larva from the evil clutches of the Vampire girl. Putting a pillow over his head to drown out the sound, Pazusu mused to himself "It's no wonder I'm having nightmares....." With that he dropped back to sleep to dream dreams he would forget in the morning, for which he was all the more thankful.  
  
THE END!  
Don't kill me, I'll kill me for you 


End file.
